KeepTheComputerHappy

Under Tools go to

Internet Options
and click on
Delete Cookies
And
Delete Files
every time you close down your internet

(especially after blogging).

Live With...

So I just finished the first hour of the last episode of 6 feet under. I'm sad to say I forgot to reset the timer to record the 2nd hour. Duck, if you still have it recorded...

But it got me thinkin' (I know, dangerous- thank God it is over because this show ALWAYS gets me thinkin'). The Mother was miserable and I thought that was very pointless. It reminded me of why each of our have to establish priorities and to live with our choices. No one gets it all nor is it smart to want it all.

Every decision I've made has been because I wanted the outcome- to marry my husband at age 20, to have kids in our early 20s, to not continue paying for school when I wasn't sure what I wanted out of it, to my current job choice, my house, whatever. These are all the things I've chosen- eyes wide open. I won't say things are perfect but they are good and they are what I planned them to be. Most of us make choices and to pretend like life just happened to us- is pretty sad.

Having said that, these choices have come at a price. Now that I have what I wanted, I suppose I need to figure out what I want. To a big degree it is more of the same. I want to lead a Christian life, happy in my marriage, confident about the way I'm raising my kids, comfortable in the environment they're exposed to and secure about who I am even if I don't relate to a lot of people. Anything in my life that makes me unhappy is directly related to insecurities or wanting to go outside of my priorities so I will try my best not to let myself get caught up in the silliness of second guessing myself or my choices. At least I had choices and I can look back on the ones I made and smile.

Love Your Spouse

I went to a young couples meeting yesterday at Church and it got me thinking. For comments- I would love if you shared your favorite thing about your spouse- just whatever comes to mind. We did this exercise in class and it was really nice.

Anyway, I found this article online so I'm sharing it (it was found under Covenant Keepers) but I'm condensing it (even more than before per NLP's request) for your reading pleasure. The writer seems to have a good handle on the topic and I'm planning on coming back to this posting again and again and again.

This is what it had to say...
This failure to walk in love is the most common cause of problems in a marriage. The way in which you love your mate will directly affect the way he or she will love you. And your only responsibility before God is to deal with your own behavior. You can’t change your spouse, but you can influence them by how you behave.

The truths of love:
1. Give
2. Sacrifice
3. Serve
4. Love freely
5. Submit
6. Support
7. Be kind
8. Understand
9. Labor
10. Be gentle
11. Forgive

If you are a believer, confess your need before God and ask Him for the infilling of His Holy Spirit. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Gal. 5:22-23). Remember, it’s God’s good pleasure to give to you whatever you need to live a successful and fruitful life. Jesus promised, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" (Matt. 7:7-8).

Book Titles

If a book were written about you, what would the title of a book be and would you write or would you want someone else to? Would there be more than 1 book, would it be a series? Would it be a comedy, drama, thriller... How many characters would need to be in it. Do you think it would get published? Maybe it would be a Best Seller?

Today, my book would be called...
No More Time Off
I have sick kids, well let's say my youngest is often sick. When Grandma was watching him, this only caused an occasional disruption. Now it is eating up all my time off because he can't go to daycare and be around other kids when he's sick. So, here I am blogging because he's watching SpongeBob and I can't stand that movie. Worse even still, he's not REALLY sick- but he's havin' some bad diapers if you know what I mean.

But the time off today has been nice. I've been dealing with a lot and while I wouldn't have chosen to take the day off, maybe God thought I needed to and my lil' guy seems to have needed me to.

Mean Girls

I so relate to this movie. I think for a portion of my later elementary years and then on into my junior high years I was greatly influenced by mean girls.

Who are these mean girls? They are the pretty ones first and foremost. Being attractive gets them things, allows certain privileges and provides them the feeling that they are superior. Now this is just on superficial level but to them- it seems real and because the world is a superficial place- to some degree it is. But like many "blessings" being on top comes at a price.
I, myself, was never a full-fledged mean girl. Mean Girls had money to blow- I didn't/I don’t. Not to mention most mean girls had misguided people in their lives that wanted to be considered admirable at any cost, if the only admirable quality was knowing a mean girl.

It took awhile to distance myself from some of the mean-spirited people in my life (mean girls become mean-spirited people as they get older). Changes in my circumstances wrapped up most of my superficial friendships. Wish I could say I finally matured and totally moved on on my own but nope, they moved on for the most part.

Don’t get me wrong, mean girls have fun. They thrive on each other’s importance and it usually results in lots of attention being thrown their way. All mean girls love attention and attention is fun. But the mean girl thing doesn’t work if you have values or morals- being a mean girl when you know better only makes you miserable. I’m less miserable on a day-to-day basis but I guess you could say I’m not comfortable in my own skin yet. Maybe I never was but as you get older, it is harder to ignore.

Having said all of this, my saving grace has been my family. They LOVE me, not all that I am or do, but they love me just cause. Thanks fam!

Janis: There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil things and those who see evil things and don't try to stop it.

Do you have mean people in your life? Are you a mean person?

Worts and All

Wow, I will spare you pictures I could insert on this topic.

Recently I've noticed the one or two worts on my Big Kiddo have multiplied. I had tried to ignore them but now I feel I must do something. He handles them well, even told me that sometimes there are things about ourselves that aren't perfect and pointed out that he's okay with his worts.

Because he is/was so comfortable I didn't want to take him to the Dr. just because of them- but now I will. I was hoping to get some good answers from the web but NO WAY. YUCK. I'm sick thinking about the little bit of research I did. After searching google on topics I switched to pictures- hoping to find similar looking worts so that I could read the site they were on (I needed to narrow down his worts- I guess there are lots of different ones out there). Now don't get me wrong, his aren't gross (well they are the least gross worts one could have). But the pictures I was seeing- well they weren't on some lil' kid's tummy and they weren't just clear raised bumps. UCK UCK UCK.

I had a wort on my leg when I was in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade. It drove me crazy. I would wear pantyhose with shorts to cover it up. When that was no longer "cool" (not sure it ever really was), I switched to a Band-Aid. I eventually had to explain the Band-Aid but it was better than feeling stupid about the wort. But after countless times of trying to treat it, I finally cut it out. So disgusting I know and I'm not one for pain but embarrassment isn't something pre-teens do well. I look back on it and I don't want him to go through the same thing.

SO to the Dr. we will go. I hope they can remove them quickly and without a lot of fuss.

Clay Pigeons

Clay Pigeons, this was one of the movies I was trying to think of-
has anyone seen it?

My Man Vince is in it and I have to think that almost anything
he's in would be good (can't wait to see Wedding Crashers).

IMDbPro Professional Details
Genre: Comedy / Crime / Thriller / Drama (more)

Plot Summary: Clay (as in the title) is a young man in a small town who witnesses his friend kill himself because...

User Comments: Not as good as Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs, but very enjoyable.

Got a Sitter

I have really wanted to help out more with Mom's move and just overall in showing support for my Parents and their current situation(s). I miss my Mom ALOT- I'm sure miss our 30 minute chats in the morning, having her comment/compliment my hair or my outfit or whatnot. I even miss the political topics that we didn't always see eye-to-eye on. It was always such a nice way to start the day. For a long time we'd even see each other at lunch and then again in the evening (Mom watched the kids during the work week for those of you that are lost).

Now I don't get to see her as much, and I certainly don't get to see her or my Dad as much as I’d like to. I've been trying to keep a routine at home (now that school has started) and with busy schedules- there isn't enough time in the day. I'm exhausted and there's so much more I'd like to be doing.

BUT alas, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The Cap's Mother is watching the kids on Saturday and I get to give my Parents (primarily my Mom) my undivided efforts.

But I need to bring rented movies for the kids to have something to do and she wants them to be some that they haven’t seen before. I haven't rented movies in SO LONG- maybe 3 movies in 5 years to this sort-of sounds fun. The only movies I see are kid’s movies and whatever we record off of cable. I'm always referencing movies that are a good 2 to 3 years old that likely weren't even that popular at the time. So I'm going to rent Mean Girls for sure. I LOVE comedy dialogue driven movies. Any other suggestions? Any movies out there from the last few years that were entertaining but maybe would have gone under the HBO radar?

A Diamond Ring

Check this out...

isn't it beautiful?




It isn't even remotely close to what I'll be getting but I am getting a diamond ring all the same.

It's my 5 year company service award, WOW.

I’m a pretty sentimental person and this stuff usually means a lot to me. When a company puts forth the effort to say- we appreciate you, I feel appreciated.

Except I’ve been back here for over 6 years ago- I worked here for 3 years prior and left for 3 years so here I am celebrating 5 years with the company 12 years after I started my job.

But a diamond ring has a way of making things better, it is not all that fancy but I think it is nice. I can’t wait. Guess things could be worse.

Incredible

Sunny looks Incredible with short hair, just like Mirage. Everyone should encourage her to cut it off.


Mirage: Valuing life is not weakness.
Mirage: And disregarding it is not strength.



IMDB.net: The Incredibles (2004) awesome scene...
Lucius: Honey? Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
Lucius: Where?
Honey: Why do you need to know? [helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: I need it! [Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

I'm a Liar

I try to never lie, I even go to great lengths not to mislead (hence my tendency to be longwinded). But alas I have given out bad information and I must come clean.

Please know this wasn't intentional- I just have a strange way of processing information. I don't remember details; I remember what I thought about the details. Then I recall the thoughts later and make assumptions about the details.

The Reunion is not $200, but is at the most $134 and in the least if paid in advance- $114 (for a couple, 1/2 that for one person). I think I was assuming we'd spend well over $200 when all was said and done. So the difference on the price paying by Aug 29th is just $20 if I buy 2 tickets and $10 if only I go, so I don't feel a huge urgency to pay now/make a decision. Now if I don't pay ahead I don't have a guarantee on the picture nametag. Don't know that I want one, what picture would they use? Anyone know?

I am 95% I'm going to go, will let the Cap decide if he wants to- it will be cool either way. Having a twin ensures you're never alone and spending $67 wouldn't be that painful. $134 is a bit more (if the Cap and I go together) and poor Cap does need some new clothes more so than I so it would be more like spending $200. If he decides to go, we'll just make sure we have $133 worth of fun as a couple versus the $67 it will cost me to go with Ree.

Karate

For as much as I think about things, I totally overlooked something very obvious involving Karate.

Lil' shipmate and I take together and now I'm going to be testing for my next belt soon and when I get it, I'm going to have to go to a different/later class. The class is an hour later. That would have us up at the Rec for 2 hours- that seems too long. Shipmate is only 5 years old, so I don't know how well he'd do sittin' and watchin'. Now I'm thinkin' about quitting, at least until he gets closer to testing for the later belt (which won't be for at least another year).

So, my options are to switch from Karate and work out in the weight room while he does his Karate or sit and watch him. I am thinkin' about looking into other classes going on at the same time too. Sitting and watching doesn't sound appealing, I LOVE watchin' my lil' Karate Kid but I want to "help" him too much and he doesn't really like that. Besides, now that I've done Karate, I wouldn't want to be on the sidelines. Besides, I'm not a sidelines kind-of Mom anyway.

Not to mention I'm LOVING the physical side of Karate, I would hate to miss out on that too. It is only $27 a month so quitting all together isn't going to save me tons of money so while it would be nice to cut some spending, I'm not sure this would be worth the cut?

Any advice?

More Interesting

Everything in my life has gotten to be more interesting...
Family, kids, job, friends, activities- all more interesting.

Right now things are going pretty smoothly, sure some aspects could be better but they've all certainly been worse. So now that my hair is cut, I need something new to obsess about.

I mean items on hold about obsessing on are...
the Reunion
the photo storage/digital scrapbook
the move/garage sale
home projects

All these things are going as fast and well as can be expected and to the degree that I have time to deal with each item/topic. But I need something more lighthearted, something else to tumble around in my head. Something fun and light- but that doesn't require alot of research or undivided attention time.

Still readin' my Bible pretty regularly and there are some topics I'll be researching there...
how to be a better servant
a more loving wife
a more patient person
etc etc

But again, I want something light. I suppose I have soccer- I'm lookin' forward to my first year coaching and the fact that my bro is coaching the older kids is really cool too.

What silly thing is rolling around in your head? What fun or trivial idea has you obsessing?

Stuff

I am reminded again about why I view stuff like I do...

George Carlin on Stuff: Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time.A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it.

You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff!

Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the go*da*n place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's shit is on the dresser.
Have you noticed that their stuff is sh*t and your sh*t is stuff? God! And you say, "Get that sh*t offa there and let me put my stuff down!"

Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you.

That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here."Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says, "Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over."Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.

All material written and owned by George Carlin.

Now my thoughts on it go further and are more from a Christian perspective (remember the sparrow) but I get this. I feel this. Why hold on to stuff? Hold on to memories and people that matter to you, not stuff. That's why I love pictures- they can trigger a memory and don't take up a lot of space. I don't have space for stuff and I try not to overvalue stuff. Everyone will place a value system on something- why waste your peace of mind on stuff?

Class Reunion

Not sure if we will go to my Class Reunion.
People say we should but I'm guessing they don't want to buy the tickets for me sooo... and do I have the time to get everything lined up? Do I have the energy to prepare? Maybe I don't have the self confidence? Or maybe Reunions are just money makers for internet companies now and have gotten crazy out-of-hand expensive. I mean if it were cheaper, I'd go- no doubt.

But it isn't just the cost of the tickets
(almost $200 is alot to me though).
You want to go and look your best right $$$
*new outfit(s) , shoes, make-up, accessories
(what separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize),
etc, etc. Somethin' worth doin' is worth doin' well.

Now line up a babysitter for two nights in a row.

Rehearse what you're going to say.
Should I go for modesty, try to impress, find a balance?
Keep conversation short and mingle (small talk isn't my fav thing to do)
or try find those few people that you really do want to talk to
and hope for interesting conversation?

Am I prepared to have my feelings hurt?
Women are vicious and tend to be mean-spirited in these situations.
Even a - "wow, you look different" can get under my skin.
You know, when they say it in "that" tone.
Plenty of people I went to school with spoke in that tone.
Not just to me, I had very few problems gettin' along in school,
but just in general.

I do want to SHOW OFF my wonderful husband.
I do want to share the beautiful pictures of my beautiful kids too.
I think I've held up okay so I'm okay there I suppose.

When it comes down to it- I'm trying to do a heartcheck. What are the real reasons to go or not to go? Do I have something to prove and to whom? Is it right to want to see if that girl that spread the rumors about me got fat or ugly? Do I NEED to know if that one jerk ended up miserable? Do I still care? I hope not. Is it worth it? It doesn't seem like it would be but I know some people enjoy themselves. Yet I enjoy myself all the time and it doesn't cost me a ton of money to do it (pluse I chose whom it will be with). Not to mention we had a big class and there were plenty of people I didn't know. Could happen that I might not know many people at all.

Plan B- they are meeting for drinks at the first event.
Should I (and by that I mean we) just show up there?
Would I look cheap? I think everyone else (the paying folks) would be in a different area. If the events were separate expenses, I would just pay for the more casual one and be done with it but the semi-formal event is tied in with it, hence the larger portion of the expenses.

Help. Give me advice but base it on what I'm saying, because there are alot of factors to consider. I really think I don't want to go.

Printing Pictures

Who do you use to print pictures?

I am new to this digital world and I was thinkin' about using Best Buy- got a GC when I bought the Camera. I know Wal-Mart does fine, but one of the stores has switched their paper and it isn't very good quality.

I know Snapfish has a service to display your photos and saves them as long as you make a purchase at least 1 time a year. This seems like a good deal. But what about S&H? Can't find out the cost on that. I think the other has printing at about $.19 a print and Snapfish is set at I believe $.12. So I suppose I need to figure out if it is the best deal. I do like having an online photo album, anyone mess with this stuff?

Help.

Pics for my Sis

Not my best picture, I had to take it myself. But Ree, this gives you and idea of the look... Though now that it is completely dry (here I had just sort-of put some product in it and let it air dry), it is alot fluffier looking. I really like it. The ends are super thinned out and the bangs are too. I can't wait for you to see it. And I can't wait to see yours.

A Good Night

A night to myself. Wow, what to do what to do. Captain was so sweet, says I can do whatever I want.

#1, get that hair cut. Been talking about it a lot, thinkin' about it more- funny how something as silly as hair can be on your mind so much? Anyway, I'm not THAT into it- I just enjoy the things that I am interested in (it will be something else soon enough). I also like to look at things from every angle. Then when I draw my conclusion, I can feel good about it. It is sort-of the impulsive side of me battling the detail-oriented side of me.

I have to admit, turning 28 years old was rough. I was just okay with 27 and that was where I wanted to stop. Then my baby going to school... I was feeling a lil' old, a lil' like the best is over. I even started looking for a moo moo to wear around the house (not really). Then I decided that I'm still me, I can still be interesting, and I'm not ready to give up my youth (I may never be).

So I need a crazy cut. Something different. But I've done it all? I've been blonde, red, black- I’ve gone long, short and every way in between but... after long internet searches I found it. A haircut that was more young, more hip, and DIFFERENT.

I go, and I am late (only a few minutes and she said 6ish). Ahhh Monica- my friend. I LOVE MONICA. She's so real and so refreshing, we have the best talks and I feel like I'm 16 years old again because we're all girlie together. I love being girlie. She compliments my decision, she seems excited. Okay, this is going to be good. She starts cutting and I'm not feeling sick (sometimes I get second thoughts when the scissors come out). She's done, glasses are back on, it looks good but... not exactly what I was thinkin'. I need it more piecy- more edgy, less thirty somethin'. So she goes at it again. The razor is going, the hair pieces are flying, she is Edward Scissorhands and I'm her masterpiece. She's done again- okay, not bad. Not bad again. I like it, I LOVE it.

I want to mess with it; I need to see what it can do. Get some hair products and style it- I can do this. Go home (yeah I styled my hair in the Target parking lot). I wonder what Captain will think, this haircut is cool but mostly it is different. People will love it or hate it and more people will hate it. It feels good to be comfortable enough to do "my" thing but I want a few people to like it at least.

He likes it, he really likes it. Do I still like it? How hard will it be to style? Am I going to need another cut in a month? I can't afford to cut it often. Who cares, it feels good.

If I had to describe it, I'd say it is grunge. But pixie grunge. It is versatile too; I'll be able to do alot of different things.

Have I gone on this long about my hair? Sorry.

Queen of the Inconsequential!

Ree Ree, after I get ready for the day- maybe I'll take a picture and post it. Hope you post one soon!

I printed out my blog for the hair pic and forgot it at the salon, by the off chance that Monica is reading this- thanks (and leave comments)!

Haircut TODAY

Okay so I like this one the best (the first dark haired one),

but the first blonde below one has super great hair too.

So I guees between these 2 and the one previously posted as #3.

Hopefully it will end up looking good - at least it will be different.

Progress

I live life on purpose, I have a plan.
I have goals and expectations.
I believe this outlook will help us progress.
I know God will see me through.

So why does the progress seem slow?
I thought there'd be more by now.
I'm grateful, I am.
Just impatient I suppose.
Delaying gratification is right. Right?

Just thought at this stage of the game things might be easier? Maybe they are and I just don't appreciate it? I'm sure that's right.

Anything in your life proving to be more difficult than you expected or even more difficult than everyone else seems to present it?

Home Improvements

Okay, we have alot
of projects
on hold
and the list
keeps growing...
and growing...

The Cabinet Doors (having one made /do paint treatment)
The Bedroom Doors (do treatment/adding trim or getting new ones)
The Mantel Stripping/Staining (why did I paint it?)
The Couch Table (more tablespace required)
Couch Table Storage Cubes (to tuck stuff away/use for seating)
Getting Kid Stuff Organized (clothes, etc)
Motion Sensor for the Kid's Closet (no light now)
The Garage (organization, a coat of paint)
The Back Bathroom (texture, paint, tear out the carpet)
Floor treatment in the kitchen, halls and living room (cement stain/polish)
The Deck Needs to be Taken Apart (1/2 way there)
Mike's FlowerBeds (using deck wood)
His Pond (we'll see...)
The Benches (using deck wood)
The Platform (another wood project)
The Leveling of the Ground (special tools required?)
The Pathways (need gravel or pavers or do cement work)

And we're on a tight budget and have very little time. What's wrong with this picture?

What we did do this weekend on the house: organized the boy's shoes. Got a storage solution that holds 14 pairs- AND I still have about 8 more to deal with NOT including the shoes I'm getting rid of. Hand me downs are great but storage is fast becoming an issue. Still, it feels good to get one project done and the closet looks MUCH BETTER.

Oh yeah, that's 2 projects completed now. Mike installed a motion sensor on our closet light. Now when you go in there- the light comes on, after 1 minute of no movement- it turns off. Cool huh? Now I need another though and the Target I went to on Saturday didn't have it. So when I return the other storage solution that didn't work along with the shoes the guy charged me for that I didn't want (keeping the ones I did)... I can look for the light thing.

Sometime amongst this all, I need Captain to show me how to download my pictures to a CD. I would die if something happen to them and I have no backup now. Plus I need to download 3 thank yous for those people that don't have computers so I can wrap-up my thank you picture project.

LIFE.

And we'll be getting Mom moved out and the garage sale completed. Which will likely result in more to organize because all the stuff she's been storing is coming home. Guess free storage wasn't going to last forever.

Now what you see in Red is what I want to do FIRST, in blue is what Mike considers priority. Interesting. In Bold you'll see the things we can do now (if we can see eye to eye). The italics are possible. All others, well they require more $$$ than we have and/or more time than we can allow any time soon.

So I think we should tackle one project at a time. A project from my list, a project from his... Don't you think?

Got Thru It

Okay, the first day of school drop-off is through. All went well. I have to say, I can contribute alot of that to my small group at Church. The topics we've discussed and parenting guidance I have received has helped our family life so much. Mornings are great now. Big K is such a fun kid to spend mornings with and I've learned how to keep him moving without having to get upset. He had the best attitude and even humored me while I took pictures and video.

But let's roll back to last night. Last night I wanted a moment- a "let's pick out what you're wearing to school" moment. He kept wanting PR shirts or Spiderman. Not what I had in mind. Okay here's the dilemma, what's more important? Do I let him show his interest/style and go with the shirt that he chooses and cringe every time I look at his first day of school pictures or... do I bribe him with a point ($$$) if he wears a shirt with a collar. That shirt with the collar looked great. Reminded of how boys are so different than girls. How did I end up without having a girl??? (But that's another blog for another day).

After dropping him off I was TIRED. This morning wore me out and this is only day 1. One difficult part of having my kids grow up is that I also have to grow up. I've been spoiled- I would take the kids to Mom's (and often later than I should have) and she would get them ready for the day. On the days that Big K had Playschool, she even made his lunches. Now... I get them both ready, taken to two locations, make sure they have everything they need (a packed lunch, etc). And it doesn't sound like alot but I've been spoiled for a long time and this Queen is use to people understanding her flaws and these flaws- they've been there for A LONG LONG TIME. But my kiddos, they don't think a scatterbrained Mom is cute so I have to change, if not for me then for them. They don't need these bad habits.

So anyway, he handled things well. He'll do great. I know everything we've done up to this point has prepared him for everything he is about to encounter. I feel good about that! He's my big boy, what can I say... (tears are coming, gotta go).

Tattoos- your thoughts?

Today the fella that did our sermon mentioned tattoos and piercings. A topic I always find interesting. I've fallen in LOVE with a show called Miami Ink and it has really made me see tattoos in a different light. Not so much in a good light, but it has broadened my outlook as to why people get them, the type of people that do, and just how many different types of tattoos are out there.

Some people think tattoos are a way for non-conformers to conform with other non-conformers. Yeah I can see that but what about the people that get them in places others don't know about?

Some people say it is a way to express yourself. Yeah I can see that, maybe you love art or the image you get means something special to you.

Some people get them because they are in pain and the process of getting the tattoo may help them address and deal with that pain. Maybe this isn't a great idea, you should get through your pain by giving it to God but who am I to say that this process can't be apart of that process?

Some people just like to not like it because they feel "safe" that other "good" people like them will agree that it is just bad. Maybe some people get tattoos just to weed these people out of their lives- wouldn't that be interesting?

For them (those looking down on the practice), addressing what they see as weakness in others shows just how strong they themselves are- conforming to a different conformity. Isn't it interesting that there are so many people that love to judge something they don't relate to as something that can only be bad? Ever wonder why we have to think negatively about things we don't understand? I mean, if it isn't hurting anyone and/or the bible doesn't condemn it... of course people say there is scripture condemning tattoos and the like so I did some research on it...

The Bible warns us against tattoos in Leviticus 19:28 (Amplified) which says, "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord."

1 Kings 18:28: "And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them."

Deuteronomy 14:1(Amplified): "Ye are the sons of the LORD your God; you shall not cut yourselves, nor make any baldness on your foreheads for the dead."

Now... I found this stuff on http://www.bible.com/answers/atattoos.html
Some people object to using Old Testament scripture as a reference to tattoos since the New Testament doesn't speak of these things. However, in the New Testament we are even called to a higher law. We are to have God's laws written in our hearts. When we remain close to the Lord and obey Him, He can direct us in things that are not good for us. For example although the Bible does not say, "Thou shalt not smoke" or "Drug addiction is bad for you;" we know that these things are destructive to the human body. In the New Testament, we are told to glorify God in our bodies. This would include not marring our bodies with tattoos, as the principles in the Bible clearly tell us it is wrong to defile our bodies.

I say, who are you to determine what is defilng our bodies?

1 Corinthians 6:19-20: "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

But it did admit...
God looks on the heart and can use different things to testify of Christ's love, even tattoos.

About piercing it said...
We couldn’t find anything that directly said you should not pierce your body. In fact, I was surprised to see in certain parts of Scripture that women wore nose rings in the Old Testament.

So after looking into it- it seems to me like there were likely good reasons not to do tattooing (or the like) in the Old Testament. I don’t disregard anything in the Old Testament just because it is Old Testament doctrine mind you BUT I also know a lot of it covers Old Law and is directly related to practices of the day back then. So when I put it in perspective, I always look to see if the New Law supercedes the Old Law (such as in the cases when it is clear that the items being discussed fall into that category). BUT to me, in today’s society, if the intent behind getting a tattoo is not bad, if your heart is not trying to hold onto this body/this life, if the subject isn’t in conflict with Christianity... I think it is possible for a Christian to get a tattoo and not offend God. It is a tricky subject and I think it is something people do see differently for logical reasons and I don't mind if any Christian disagrees with me because it is a fairly complicated subject- just as long as it comes from Biblical Principals and not being mean-spirited/off this world.

Your thoughts?

Feelin' Better

Okay, I'm over it. The boys are being so great, they just needed Mommy time. Everything else is manageable and the ONLY reason I'm still up is cause the dog was barking and my heart was pumpin' and I got scared and Cap is coming home but isn't just yet... All good.

Oh yeah, I got a free oil change today just cause.
I got to use my 10% of card today at Target (big savings).
I found the PERFECT stuff for the boys while we were out.
The shoes I thought I would have to replace for big boy- only needed new laces.
SO life is good.

Tomorrow we'll go to Church and all will be well again. I worked the nursery last week so I NEED to go to Church. I'm running on empty. Back into reading my bible pretty consistently but a good sermon always helps.

Not to mention its Duck's Bday tomorrow, well- today. Happy Bday!

Too Much/2 Much

Overslept, scrambled, stressed...

First one there, misunderstand situation, scared kids will be disappointed because I thought there was no water for the water fun event, all turns out well.

Try to fit in too much- lunch with extended family and then back to house for bath and thank you project that takes FOREVER. Promise the kids we'll go shopping (need to use the G.C.s we're collecting). Out of $ and need stuff anyway so...

Not in the right mood, nothing goes right, kids behave badly, I behave badly, and I begin to wonder. Why would God ever think I could handle two kids, a full-time job, a demanding family life, and all the other situations going on? I mean, is 2 too much? Nah, not most days but... and I still want a girl (another blog for another day).

So where to cut back? Computer time for sure but that is my best outlet to be me... Shopping, well I needed to get lil' one some more water toys so the endless water fight in the kitchen gets resolved. Needed to get more underwear and shoes for big one and he'll need lunch stuff for his first week of school (don't get me started on that)... Got to get my oil changed- it was way past due. The thank-you(s) are important, sure they took too long and I made them more complicated than needed but I still had to do them and something worth doing is worth doing well right? Bought CDs to backup pictures downloaded and deleted off the camera, that's important... Still need to do it an ddon't know when I will. Got some storage solution stuff for shoes of boys but also don't know when I'll get around to that either.

Just want to have everything just right. But we keep gettin' stuff from Mom. Great stuff, nice stuff, but... space is scarce and every nook and cranny has been meticulously planned- what to change, what to change. Change is hard. Everything is changing.

Gotta clean, gotta go to bed, need to do laundry, don't want to stop, need to because I will have another day like today if I don't...

We'll see...

Evil Queen

When I want to be misleading or not tell the whole truth, I often think- let your yes be yes and your no be no, anything else is of the devil. A verse I heard a long time ago that really stuck with me. But after finding it in the bible it actually says...

But let your'Yes' be'Yes' and your'No' be'No.' Whatever is more than these is of the evil one. Mathew 5:37 (WEB)

Similar but not the same. Oh well. Hope that's not saying to keep your words to a minimum.

Anyway, I always try to tell the truth. If I'm tempted to be dishonest or feel like I should lie- I think of the damage that lies create. I know that being honest is always better and knowing you're going to be honest often keeps you from behaving badly in the first place. Not to say you have to shout from the roof tops (or in your blog) everything you're thinking but... but when asked or if it is pertinent information, people can count on me to give it to them straight. That's why I HATE when people doubt me about my sincerity (a certain person comes to mind, don't worry she's not reading this). Anywho...

I do well with the honesty thing EXCEPT in the morning. In the morning I lie. I will tell the Cap I'm just waiting for him to leave before I get up, that I'm up but I'm just cold so I'm warming up first, that I already hit snooze and will get out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off again because I already know what I'm wearing. WHATEVER. In the morning NOTHING matters but more sleep. I become so sleep greedy that all good sense goes out the window. I know the importance of allowing time for the unexpected, starting the day out right, using your time wisely but...

Last night I went to bed fairly early because I know that getting into a better routine is very very important (especially to the Cap). So I asked the Cap to make sure I'm up when he leaves to which he replied- I always do. He does? Oh yeah, he does. See Evil Queen takes over in the morning- almost squashing Good Queen's very existence. I really have lil' control over what she says and does. It is scary. But I have a plan to defeat the dark side of my self.

I always have a plan. Instead of jumping straight into the shower at the last minute from oversleeping, I'm going to wake up earlier and get on the computer. That will lessen the time I spend on the computer in the evening (though that should improve, I've dealt with all my downloaded pictures as far as renaming and putting them on the blogs) and now all I have left is to finish up my (I mean Jack's) E-thanks. Once I save everything to CDs I'll be set, and then it will just be maintenance from there. Anyway, I love computer time and I think this will be a good way to start my day.

What's your evil side?

Great Mom

I consider myself a good Mom, mostly because I LOVE my kids and they know it because I show it. I feel like that is one of the most important things I can do as a parent.

Having said that, there is room for improvement. I've already improved on ALOT of things; finding creative ways to get through to them, trying to be a morning person to "set the tone", and saying yes as often as possible (which goes along with saying no when needed). I try to embrace any opportunity for them to have fun (as long as we can afford it and it is reasonable) and I'm raising them in the Church, surrounded by other Christians.

We have also taught them to be good to people (to be better than they have to be), to take care of their stuff, and that there are blessings in good enough. Sometimes trying to do it all right- takes all that I have and there's so much more that I need to improve on... Such as establishing a better bedtime and teaching them to get themselves down at night. We're in the habit (or should I say I'm in the habit) of going to the sleep at the same time. It’s my fault, I like to snuggle and they are so sweet as they fall asleep- I don't want to miss out. Plus it forces me to go to sleep and I'd stay up all hours of the night if it were left to me- there just aren't enough hours in the day.

So this all comes down to misunderstanding how the registration thing goes for Kindergarten. Hey this is my first time having a child start school but I should have known better. I started filling out the paperwork months ago- I was ahead of the game but... it kept making me sad so I put it off. And then we had a tragedy and then I was barely functioning. It shouldn't be an excuse but honestly, I guess I just didn't want to deal with anything else that would cause an emotional strain. I was in denial about the school thing.

Finally I called them a few weeks ago (the folks at his school) and either I wasn't clear, or they didn't understand, but here I am scrambling to get my son registered LATE. What an impression. My poor kids. Some things I do so well, and something things...

I wanna cry! I'm not ready for all of this.

Today I almost broke-down at his summer camp. That chapter is almost over and I'm not ready for that either. I know that place, he loves that place, and he is treated like a King and has grown in his confidence there... Don't know what to expect from this new situation.

(Sigh) What can you do but deal with it right? At least I made some friends with some of the other Mom's. They seem really cool. My kiddo will fit in for sure- he is so comfortable, he wouldn't even stand close to me (that much I knew would happen but it still made me feel sad). In anycase, it sort-of looks like I might fit in too so I guess I can deal with being the Mom whose kid is trying to not be seen with her.

Strange thing is I thought I'd be a "cool" Mom. Nope.

Now I don't mean the "let your child behave badly Mom", but the Mom that likes to laugh and isn't the "old" Mom. I guess it doesn't matter, you're older than your kids and so you're old in their eyes. Even if you shop in the jr section, try to stay in shape, and have a sense of humor... you're still not cool.

An Interview

If your boss ever treats you badly, like makes you want to leave the company forever, consider the facts...
Is this unusual behavior?
Did he recognize that he was jerk?
Were you in the wrong?


If one or more of the two questions can be answered 'yes' then don't go lookin' for a new job yet. I mean feel free to put out feelers- because it never hurts to see whatelse is out there, but give it a few weeks before you go lookin' seriously.

Then...
and this is the point of this posting...
Dress up really nice. I mean, look very professional- not like you are just going out after work. Now act happy and carefree, like you just might know something that no one else does AND it is very very good information to know. If you really want to rock him- take off for a few hours (but if the conflict was related to time off, I wouldn't push your luck). If he goes as far to ask if you're going on an interview- play coy.

Fun Fun Fun, I didn't mean to do this but it sort-of worked out that way and I've found it pretty entertaining- hee hee.
Notice when I speak of "the boss" I say 'he'- a women boss would never treat you badly (yeah right).

The War

Hate to say, but I don't think about the war much anymore. I want to, I try to, but it feels like it is never going to end- that good things are not going to come of it. I support our soldiers (no question), just don't know any that are there- but I wish we had not trusted Bush about HAVING to go in- though I can see why people thought we did. Does anyone have any good sites about the war- stats, updates, pics? Nothing political, just straightforward information?

Dazed and Confused

More from IMDB.com, this was wrote by Author: Rowen Powers from Delaware. Edited by ShopperKritkrit/the Queen.

But before I go on, BeLikeAduck and I were talking about this movie and for any of you that haven't seen it (it would be cooler if you did)- and YOU SHOULD. In fact, we should watch it together because I haven't seen this movie in years and I STILL LOVE IT and think of it often.

The Cap and I were watching Paparazzi (a HBO recorded movie) and a great actor (in this not great movie) Cole Hauser was in it. He seemed familiar so we did a search on him. When we saw him come up on Dazed and Confuses we laughed. So many great people were on this movie. Oh yeah, below you'll see Slackers mentioned- has anyone seen this? I'd like to.

So anyway, this is what Rowen Powers says about it... "Dazed and Confused", which takes place during the 70s, was one of the best movies of the 90s. It really is phenomenal how much talent was in this ensemble; if you want to see Adam Goldberg, Matthew McConaughey, Milla Jovovich, Joey Lauren Adams, Parker Posey, or an almost completely unrecognizable Ben Affleck before they were stars, look no further. And of course this was an early movie for director Richard Linklater, who had made the relatively unknown "Slackers" previously and who would go on to make "School of Rock", which was almost as good as "Dazed and Confused”.

Taking place on the last day of school. We see the nerds, the potheads, the jocks, and the cheerleaders, as well as the incoming freshmen, as they celebrate the beginning of summer. The dialogue is fresh and unexpected; lines about George Washington's proclivity for marijuana, why you just gotta love high school girls ("I get older, they stay the same age", as McConaughey's character says), and the herd mentality when a fight breaks out demonstrate how all-over-the-map the dialogue can be, and it's always affecting and usually quite funny. Of course, it's the acting and the characters that really steal the movie. McConaughey had the most memorable role. And he has never been funnier or better than he was in this. Parker Posey is also excellent, playing a senior bitch (but only because she's "supposed" to be) unleashing a humiliating hazing on the incoming freshman girls.

At one point, a character says that the 70s obviously suck. That may have been, but it's never looked cooler than it did in "Dazed and Confused". And the soundtrack highlights the highs while ignoring the lows, and we have songs by Aerosmith, ZZ Top, Dr. John, War, and other seminal 70s rock figures. Brilliant; there's not a single clunker, and it adds to the free, easygoing atmosphere of the movie. "Dazed and Confused" is quite possibly the best "teen movie" ever made, and, from the point of view of someone who grew up in the 80s anyway, the best movie about the 70s ever made.

From my Fav Movie Site

From IMBD.net: Cruise's 'Oprah' Moment Spawns New Term Tom Cruise's chair dancing antics on Oprah Winfrey's chat show have made such an impact on pop culture that "jumping the couch" has now become a well-used phrase. The Mission: Impossible star became the focus of relentless mockery in May, after jumping on Winfrey's couch and punching the air while yelling about his love for Katie Holmes. And the moment has now spawned a term, which was recently added to website UrbanDictionary.com. The definition of the term jump the couch reads: "The defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise's behavior on Oprah. Sample usage: 'My new boyfriend Benny... jumped the couch and started rubbing spicy brown mustard on his body at my family reunion.'"

Isn't that interesting? I am so gonna start saying it. The day the Queen of Cap started blogging... man she really jumped the couch.

You Could Have Been Great

Buzz Lightyear you would have been great. It is not your fault, you were everything I wanted but alas that helmet. That darn helmet that looks to a 3 year old like a great place to store water. Why? Why? He didn't mean to destroy you, he liked you alot (almost as much as I did). I searched for you, researched you, got an amazing deal on you- found a seller that was willing to go above and beyond so that you'd get to us in time. I hope you dry up Mr. Buzz- cause if you come out of this okay, you'll be a favorite toy FOREVER. We never even got to test out your laser.

I think I know what I want...

Okay, the Cap may never get around to reading this so if I wait on him I may be totally gray before I get around to scheduling my haircut. BUT I'm seriously thinkin' #3. It is so different. I think it would give me that edge that I'm craving and can't afford to express in my clothing.

Clothes- they go in and out and have to fit the occasion. BUT hair, you wear it everywhere and besides having to have some products on hand- the cut is the only real cost. So I love to mess with the hair. Plus the gray roots are coming in so strongly, I really want to cut off the non-gray dyed part.

Maybe I should go do it now? Like just start wacking at it. Make it look like one of those New York styles that are just too cool to appeal to the average joe- yeah right. I'm gutsy but... now to find time to schedule that appointment (and to find the $ to pay for it...).

Maybe I will cut it myself, hmmm... Maybe I'm going through a mid-life crises at 28? 28, wow 27 sure did go fast. I think I'll go cut my hair now. Wish I had a better mirror for the back part. Maybe I need a friend to help me? Maybe the Cap would? Yeah right.

Hair Styles I'm Considering...

So let me know- will it be #1, #2, or #3.
#1: This one is femine and easy but interestingly different to me. A more mature look that still is fun. Not something that you see everywhere either.

#2: I like this, it is short but not boyish. Young and fun.

#3: This is my fav. Short enought to be easy, long enough to be different from the shorter styles I've had before. It is edgy and cool. Lots of options too. This is the one I'm leaning towards.

On a lighter note: HAIR

What? Guys, did I lose you. That's okay- this probably is something the women can relate to more anyway.

I've been thinkin' about my hair and how neglected it is- I spend no time on it. Not being a morning person (as if I even have to say that), I just hate dealing with anything that is going to cut into sleep time. Not just that, but my boys, God love them- drive me crazy when I'm trying to get ready. Lil' one tries to get into everything and I get upset. Then I feel bad. Then I dread the next time I want to spend a lil' extra time getting ready so I don't even bother.

In my next posting I will put some pictures of hair and I want your feedback. Now there is a good chance I won't take your advice, but I'm always interested in people's thoughts on the matter. The funny thing is everyone has such different ideas on the subject. Not one time did my overall color, length, or style appeal to everyone. Maybe that is why I change it so often?

Jack Jack

I LOVE MY KIDS. I mean, deep down almost painfully- I love my kids. They are amazing.

I talk about my oldest more but Jack cannot be overlooked either. He is such a huge part of me- he makes me laugh (and sometimes makes me cry). Not in the most typical ways either.

He's almost 3 year old, and he's the most complicated individual I've ever known.

He has a happy side, and when I say happy, let's just say he teaches me about joy everyday. Before having kids, joy was something I only knew how to manufacture.

He has an angry side, a stubborn side, a side that at times overwhelms me. He is so smart and he is so opinionated, when he has thought something out he's the most determined person in the world. That type of thought-process gets him in trouble now because he doesn't have the life experience to always get things right (IE: he gets frozen corndogs out of the refrigerator at night and eats them when we're sleeping), but one day if we do things right....

I know the world will be a better place because he's in it. He is capable of doing great things, no doubt. Some parents say that because they hope by saying it, it will become true. Some people think great things about their kids, because they think their kids are a reflection of who they are, but I say it because it is true.

Jack is the sweetest sick kid (well maybe he ties with his brother). The timing was not ideal, but spending this afternoon with him has been wonderful. Gross because well, he's sick, but wonderful.

Mostly I want to keep with me all the laughs. Last night I took him (and his bro) to get a haircut. He sat by himself (a first). I told him to stay still so he starting bouncing his feet. I asked him not to bounce his feet so he began to wave around his hands. (I am reminded that I need to think out what I say to him before I speak). So I tell him to stop moving his hands and he begins to shake his head back and forth so fast I wondered if it could cause brain damage? But I tell myself to enjoy this. After that he just smiled and hugged me. Those hugs.

There will be other haircuts (with boys especially, seems like we're up there all the time), but how many times will I have the opportunity to see a little mind work in such an entertaining way?

Jack, you remind me of unconditional love- you add so much to my life. What would I ever do with you?

Thanks,
your Mother

Clip Art QUEEN?

This post has been edited. What do you think about this one, let's call her #3.
The one you'all liked had too long of a URL.

On a scale of 1 to 10, which do you like best? Vote with your comments.
Review, ponder, comment.
Evil Queen? #1 Bratz Queen? #2

The Drive-Thru

They will *get* you in the drive-thru. Lethal Weapon II says it best (going back to 1989): They know you are going to be miles away before you know that you got *g0t*. They know you're not gonna turn around and go back, they don't care. So who gets *got*?


I think of this line everytime they mess up my order (I thought Eddie Murphy talked about it too?).

Anyway, I know I did NOT pay over $10 to get two "Happy Meals" with FRENCH FRIES (I ordered apples). Then they leave off my chicken sandwich but REMIND ME OF THEIR SHORTCOMINGS by adding in a thing of ranch dressing? This is sick people. SICK.

Captain always checks but alas I was distracted. Plus I always think things will work out. As if checking it is going to ensure there will be problems. So maybe that's what I get? I don't think so. I don't accept it. I WANT MY SANDWICH. To make matters worse, we ate the cruddy meals because the kids fell asleep. But lil one woke up later wantin' his burger. OOPS. 2 corndogs and some vienna sausages later... he could have ate more. Oh yeah, he did. Chips and dip. Dang.

Escape or Embrace

Should we spend our days trying to escape our current realities or should we see our lives as something to embrace? When I say our lives, I mean the day-to-day. That to me is what defines who we are- how you treat the person at McDonald's or if you thank the janitor when he comes to change out the trash. Maybe it is how you respond to critiquing or how you give it? I want to experience life as if the little things matter, because it is the little things that make us who we are deep down. But you have to balance it all with the things that matter but aren't fun sometimes too.

If you want what you have, you'll have what you want right? Spoken like a person with lil' means- ha ha.

Blessings In EVERYTHING

It just occurred again to me that there are blessings in everything (and more often than not, in unexpected places and during unexpected events).

My son threw a HORRIFIC fit last night (the easy kiddo of the two to boot)- it reminded me of how far he has come over the last few years. That type of fit throwing/anger issues were a common accordance and I almost forgot they ever happened.

My Mom is moving out of the house my family always spends holidays at- it is forcing me to see my home in a new light. It is not a place that's perfect but it can be a wonderful place to LIVE in- a place where there is love. Now I want to host alot more activities.

I had friends that made me feel very alone- now I have a whole support group of AMAZING people that teach me daily about thoughts, ideas, and outlooks that improve my life on many different levels in many wonderful ways.

A couple we know and respect greatly confided that they had some money problems- hate that they're struggling, but by sharing their problem- we don't feel so alone.

Finances were creating a feeling of hopelessness- DuckMate manages money very well and helped me set goals and re-evaluate my outlook (learned it from a FAB class he and his partner taught). This gives me hope and confidence that we're doing okay and that things are going to get better. There were some thought-processes concerning our financial outlook I was confused about that was holding us back. Knowing more is always better than being afraid of the truth.

I had to sell the nicest vehicle I've ever had- it alleviated alot of guilt and getting into a much smarter vehicle situation feels so good. I know I can "lower" my standards and still improve the way I feel (didn't think I could).

Duck- you're right. Attitude is a CHOICE.

You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have- the facts of life, the facts of life.

Missed My Hug

He still loves me right? Do I mean as much to him now? I think he may be moving on. I can tell things are not the same. Maybe he's outgrowing me? I mean, at Karate he use to stand by me during the stretches but now... I Love him so much and I don't want to lose him. How can I hold on to this time in our lives? I mean in just two weeks he'll be embarking on the biggest adventure in his life thus far and he'll be exposed to so much more, he already won't kiss me in public- what about when he's around all these new people?

And worst of all, today- when we parted ways I turned around to give him a hug and he had already left to join his friends. I called out- but he was gone. It hurt. It hurt real bad. I wanted that hug, it gets me through my day. Why? Thing were better than ever, this was THE BEST it ever has been and now with each passing day... I'm wishing I could freeze time. I even saw him eyeballing some hot chick on a TV commercial last night- folks my lil' man is only 5 years old.



I Love You lil' Shipmate!!!