PTSD

The war is going on and days go by when I don’t think about it. It isn’t because I don’t care; it is because if I think about it too much I will get terribly depressed. I hear about it everyday but the words sometimes just go through me.

I mean, there are people dying in a War that I think was waged for the wrong reasons. These people are not exacting revenge for the 9-11 attacks; they are fighting for their lives for different reasons than what was sold to the American people. That is difficult to deal with and I can’t imagine being over there while everyone else is over here- all alone and wondering about it all.

There are those soldiers that believe in the cause and have no regrets. I respect them tremendously even if I don’t relate to that thought-process. I will always question war because even if it is the only answer- it seems like it creates more problems than solutions.

I have to think there are a lot more soldiers that signed up because they felt they had no where else to go, because a recruiter told them what they wanted to hear (whether it was true or not), or maybe they were self-destructive and thought this might give their lives meaning. Whatever they signed up for, I think most trusted they would only face combat if the cause was great and the danger imminent. I think they believed our leaders would have a plan for victory and wage war responsibly. I’m sure the thought there would be a definition of success leading ultimately to an exit strategy. They must feel so misled- those who feel the way I imagine so many must.

What is a soldier to do? I just read an article that sent chills through my spine. One man said he was trained to kill period and that “skill” doesn’t translate into a civilian world. One man said no one would understand him because so few could relate to what he had to deal with- the killing of children, the onslaught of innocent people- blood and destruction everywhere. This man killed himself in his parent’s home. Now they are left to sort-out their emotions. Another guy is broke and trying to support his family of 4 on a $13 an hour security job- much less glamorous than the job the recruiter promised he’d easily land when he came out of the military.

Do the people in Iraq even want us there? I hear civil war is imminent if we leave, isn’t it always imminent? It seems to me from what I’ve heard that brutal dictators thrive in war minded areas because the person most feared wins. No winners there to me.

So many broken hearts- so many families destroyed. Innocence lost and the pain just sets in- the aftermath will be felt for a LONG TIME. VA Hospitals are understaffed and underfunded and so many soldiers return without a will to live, much less work or engage in normal day-to-day routines like the rest of us. Sometimes I struggle with the day-to-day demands and I have far less to deal with. How long does it go on?

1/3 of the nation's homeless men are veterans. The divorce rate for soldiers returning from the war is really high and I can only imagine how many more families will be torn apart in this war. All these people will be relying on the government to see them through, us tax-payers will foot the bill (not just for the war but for the fall-out that no one talks about). Those programs are dirty words in the mouths of a lot of political officials today- the same ones pushing to continue the war.

I support our soldiers, I feel for the pain they suffer. I love my country but I don’t like our leadership. Wonder how much longer we’ll stay the course- I heard a leader say today that we shouldn’t have a plan for leaving but have a plan for victory- seems to me like the loss outweighs the gains. The blood is on our of our hands.

How does the rest of the world see us? I fear there will be more (not less) danger in the world as the hatred of the US grows.

Did you say you were thankful for the sacrifices our soldiers were making this Thanksgiving- I didn’t. I didn’t even think about the war. Think of all those who couldn’t escape it. It makes me sad. Feeling sad about it makes me not want to think about it, that makes me more sad.