Really
Really. It is a word I use A LOT (probably too much). I most often say it when I’m surprised or disappointed.
Before I get started, let me say I use to be shy. Yeah, I was afraid of speaking up because I feared being rejected. I am much less shy now (though I still struggle with it from time to time). Now my struggles with shyness are a direct result of my efforts to avoid disappointment (or put myself in a situation where I’ll behave badly). When I say disappointment, I mean disappointment in others. I tend to live in a fantasy world where everyone is kind and thoughtful, that bad things happen usually because of unfortunate circumstances or as a result of a misunderstanding. Above all I tend to expect parents will behave like role models because well… THEY ARE ROLE MODELS.
So anyway, I am often reminded of just how wrong I am when people don’t respond the way I’d like them to. Say in the parking lot of the elementary school- aren’t we supposed to show our kids the blessings in being generous? What happened to the 1 person merge rule? No I don’t expect the merging traffic to sit all day while some “nice” person lets everyone else go but that 1 person rule is ideal. Did not everyone get the memo?
I have many REALLY moments on any given day- like when someone thinks they’re putting me in my “place” when I totally agree with them? Why do people seek out controversy and conflict? I don’t get it.
I often go off of intent- if there’s ANY WAY I can justify bad behavior I’ve had to receive or hear of, I generally do because we all have our moments. But sometimes I just have to sit back and absorb it with no other defense besides REALLY??? But really really is a good defense. I observe, I identify with my feelings on it and then I try to move on (really).
posted by Krit @ Thursday, November 17, 2005
4 Comments:
On the 1 car rule, no, most people did not get that memo. Well, maybe they did, but I chosen to ignore it.
Well if I can reach just one person :)
Not everybody got the memo. Sadly.
Oh yeah, I get shy in situations where I don't feel comfortable. Like today at our Chili Cookoff, I felt a little off the whole time. I don't know alot of the people that work at our company (we’re really spread out and I don’t cross paths with a lot of them) and most of the people "I know" I don't know well enough to really have much to say to.
Besides, I'm not super great at relaxing (big surprise) so put me in a room with a purpose and I'm ready to go- let's debate about (you name it) or work on (you name it) and I'm ready to go. Let's focus on small talk and just hanging out and if I don't know you well, I'm probably struggling. I wish I had a great laugh (that would help). JT use to be REALLY shy but her laugh always made people feel at ease and want to talk to her.
On speaking my mind, I often don't speak my mind when I've been slighted (except to my good friends who I often seek to get better understanding from because I'll always give them the benefit of the doubt). See I have a bit of a temper and I don't want to over-react. If someone has treated me badly- chances are I HAVE TO cool off before I address it or I will overreact because I'm sensitive- hurt feelings with me results in bad behavior if I don't keep it in check. But after awhile, I usually HAVE to give in and move past it. I don't like having tension between myself and ANYONE even if that anyone is mean, a jerk, rude, whatever. That’s a downfall, I can’t write people off but thankfully some of the less than ideal people I’ve dealt with have moved on so I don’t have to worry about them being hurtful or mean spirited anymore.
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